Gaslighting means more than one thing.
It is a bit like the TCS Coercion concept. There is the act of purposely trying to coerce someone. But it is also possibly to unintentionally coerce someone. So if someone says that you are coercing them, your response shouldn’t be to assume that they mean you are intentionally coercing them and get upset by that, and deny that you are coercing them. They could just mean that your actions have the effect of being coercive, and not be trying to say anything about your mental state or the purpose behind your actions.