Gaslighting discussion (split from: Justin’s Miscellaneous Posts)

[JustinCEO]

@anonymous33

In the same way, you can say that someone is gaslighting someone else when they are doing something that would lead to most people feeling or being gaslit. But that doesn’t mean the victim necessarily “feels” gaslit in an internal way.

So you are apologizing for Elliot feeling gaslit. But he was accusing you of gaslighting behavior, not talking about how he felt .

That makes sense. Thank you. I believe that I was mixing up thinking and feeling and talking about them in an imprecise manner, and that that caused the problem. I don’t understand the concept of gaslighting as discussed in this thread yet, so if I apologized now for gaslighting behavior it would be premature and insincere. Despite that, I thought there was a good explanation above (regarding the analogy with the yeller) about how I hadn’t behaved appropriately even aside from the issue of whether gaslighting had taken place, and was trying (ineffectually, it seems) to apologize for that. This is what I was trying to get across:

APOLOGY : I apologize to @Elliot for disregarding/not taking seriously that he thought he was being gaslit and bringing up my own emotional state instead.

I still don’t understand how I allegedly mistreated Elliot, though.

The intent of “that he thought he was being gaslit” in the above revision is not to imply that he wrongly thought he was being gaslit. It’s written the way it is because I haven’t arrived at a conclusion on the gaslighting issue itself because I don’t understand gaslighting.

@anonymous5

You’re reframing the discussion falsely in a way that mistreats ET. And you did that to ET in the part labeled an “apology” (which was only a partial apology for a limited aspect of what happened, but with no clear discussion or labelling of what you’re currently not apology for but might later, what remain open issues, that you might still have other things to apologize for and this doesn’t cover the whole issue. etc.).

It is a valid point that I did not discuss the potential scope of future apologies. To be clear, if I am still participating in this topic, and unless I have indicated otherwise (e.g. by saying that I intend a particular apology as final and comprehensive) it should be presumed that I might apologize for more things later on.

I don’t know how to label or effectively discuss “what you’re currently not apolog[izing] for but might later” because I don’t understand the gaslighting issue, so I don’t know what to label or discuss in a meaningful way. Similar point with “what remain open issues” - I can say at a very general level that the gaslighting issue remains open and that I might apologize for it, and that is true, but that doesn’t seem like a helpful statement to me, because it is very general/vague and seems obvious.