Your Top Five Goals: A Productivity Method

[LMD]

I want to reply to this further by the way. I appreciate you asking questions here to try to help me understand more about this problem. I’ve started to write a response and it got long and I got worried that it was perhaps presumptuous like I was expecting you to now talk to me about all these things about my life and my goals and what I should do.

I might answer some quick things without thinking too hard right now.

@Elliot

I think you’re OK with not being a great doctor, lawyer, chemist, hair stylist or architect, right? Or does that bother you too?

No that doesn’t bother me at all. I never wanted to be any of those things. Though architecture seems really cool I don’t think I’d actually like it.

@Elliot

If so, are you maybe bothered by mortality and want unlimited time to do everything?

My mortality does bother me, but in relation to things I do want to be good at or might want to try. Not those other things you suggested.

I feel bad that I wasn’t more concerned about the problem of how to effectively use my life >10 years ago. Though to be fair to my younger self, I’m actually kind of impressed and grateful at what I have learned and the interests I’ve found without any real plan. I’ve recently turned 30 and it feels like I’m at a point where I don’t have a lot of room for mistakes.

@Elliot

The stuff you expressed interest in seems reasonably well grouped, like a lot is music related, so there’s significant overlap in the skills; it doesn’t sound like trying to do everything and sounds more like a reasonably focused interest.

Yeah I think you’re right. I do have quite a focussed interest here.

I think I’ve picked up some ideas that pursuing it is bad. Or it’s not rational, or something. Like if I’m going to do it I need to be trying to be not only aiming for really high standards, but actually have a good chance at achieving them. Something in me says its a waste if you don’t actually achieve actual prime-mover greatness. And I guess I have doubts that I could achieve that with music, and I’m not even sure I want to. Sure that’d be cool. But I don’t know if I have it in me. Like I don’t think I’m going to match some of the great’s contributions to music. But I just really like the idea of doing music and it’s a pretty deep emotional that goes back a long way. It’s a dream of mine, as they say. The idea of perhaps deciding to not do it is saddening. It’s also saddening that this conflict has meant I’ve done little music over the last 2-3 years. It feels like I’ve softly given up on it.