He’d know if he was. You can search YT for videos from these kind of guys and get a sense for their experience. Then compare that to what anon105 has said.
Sure, do you think that comes through on a dating app?
(And by top 5%, I just mean the group of men that get the vast majority of attention on dating apps; it might not actually be 5%.)
I’m sure both anon105 and I are in some top 5% of desirable traits. But that’s besides the point if those only come out via more in-depth, long form interactions.
I think you could be wrong about your own expression of preferences on dating apps. Part of the problem is bad filtering combined with overwhelming response rate. I don’t doubt you have a reasonable idea of what you’d want if there weren’t bottlenecks in the way of those preferences.
Most men end up liking a lot of profiles because dates are so rare, which only exacerbates the problem. It also creates more work for women, which means initial filtering needs to be somewhat extensive and done based on the available info only. Do you think the qualities of anon105’s that are desirable (for you, potentially) would come through in 5 photos and a bio of 100 words? How long would it take to actually ascertain these things? Would you be willing to go on 10 low-stakes coffee dates to get a vibe check on 10 different guys? What proportion of women do you think do this? etc
I think some women have a good idea of what they want, and most have some idea but also do a lot subconsciously and don’t really pay attention to what they actually do. Partly I believe this because, if they did, there would be more women concerned with actually finding better patterns and solutions. Can you point to any women that are trying to take initiative in this regard? What are they doing?
With regards to you being a rare exception, I think the fact you’re discussing here (and discussing at all) probably already makes you a rare exception.
If you don’t use dating apps (or not much), have you talked with many other women about how they use it and what choices they make?
There are some women who describe doing what you’re describing. Lynn Everly on YT describes in one of her videos her process for meeting her BF via app, which was being more careful, going through bio, considering like ‘if I like him could I see this working out’, etc. This is not the typical approach, AFAICT, but it is somewhat practical for women. (I have no idea if that would work well for men given the vastly different dynamics.)
I can’t find the show transcript button so it’s a bit hard for me to find the video again, but it might be one of these:
How Online Dating Is Changing Women [7:48]
The Real Reasons Modern Dating Is Broken (and how we fix it) [11:10]
She has more videos that it could be too, and is a bit redpilly (or honest, depending on how you see it; e.g., 5 Brutal Truths Women Will Never Admit).