Up to you. I wasn’t requesting that you reread anything.
Oh ok I get it. I still want to say the things I disagree on with the book.
I think I’m having a hard time keeping up with the writing. Like the book brings up one point and it quickly moves on with the next. It’s not all compact.
I’m trying to gather information, but I think the book is higher level so I see I’m not picking up everything it’s saying.
The author talks about different people who procrastinate and when it’s a problem(i.e. the continuum). But it just sounds like it’s a problem all the time. I don’t get the need for the continuum. I thought procrastination was flat out bad. Like it starts out as something small and then it turns into something big. It’s not just a big thing to deal with already. I think it’s missing the point on what procrastination is.
Also I noticed I skipped a section called “Understanding Procrastination”.
Gathering information sounds like a neutral process. I think I’m trying to gather information the “right way”, and I see I get stuck sometimes. Like I’m trying to see if what I just read is good or bad info to keep track of. And I’m trying to keep track of if it’s relevant to me. I don’t think I have the skill all figured out.
There’s a section from Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now that stands out to me. It’s in the section called Fear of Failing: The Search for Perfection in Chapter 2. It was saying that a person that procrastinates can do it so they never have to face their full potential and can use excuses like if they had more time they could’ve done better or that them being lazy was holding them back.
It’s relatable to me cuz I do think about my capability when procrastinating and I feel great being able to do stuff at the last minute. It’s like putting on metaphorical ankle weights so I never have to see how good I am doing the tasks on a schedule.
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In Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now, there’s a section talking about growth vs. fixed mindset. In a fixed mindset, one’s ability to do something is unchanging where in a growth mindset ability can improved.
I like that difference because I notice it’s unrealistic to expect to do everything effortlessly right out of the gate. When looking at things from a fixed mindset it’s easy to define myself from failing and succeeding. Like it’s easy to overlook things I’m able to do when feeling like a failure. And it’s also easy to think I’m the best at something when there’s always a lot of little things to improve on.
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In Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now , there’s a section talking about wanting tasks to be done perfectly but because of that it leads to procrastination. It’s in a section called The Fate Of The Imperfect: Consequences Real And Imagined in Ch. 2.
I find that relatable, because I notice that wanting to do a task extremely well or perfectly leads me to be more distanced from it. Like I don’t have to engage with it and deal with making a mistake. Also it’s a way to avoid getting practice with it and not finding out how good I am really.
In Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now, there’s a chapter called The Procrastinator in Combat Fear of Losing the Battle, and something stood out to me. In my own words, it talked about people finding rules or requests(e.g. a work schedule) as trying to control them.
I can relate to the book, because I’ve had a problem coming to work on time. What the book said stuck out to me because I notice there’s these boundaries that people like me put on our selves(e.g. come to work on time.). And because they’re boundaries we end up disagreeing with them, and it just doesn’t help anybody not coming to terms with it. Like not coming to work on time doesn’t benefit me or anyone in the work place.
There’s a section in Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now that talks about people not being able to do things on their own. The section is called Fear of Separation:
I’ll Never Walk Alone. The first paragraph summarizes the section:
Here, however, we focus on a need that springs from anxiety, a fear that you’re not safe and can’t survive on your own. It’s not only that you want someone else around but that you don’t feel complete unless you’re part of someone else and they’re part of you. When people feel they can’t manage on their own, it can be very difficult to engage in activities that lead to independent functioning.
It’s sad thinking about not being able to do stuff independently. It seems easy to rely on others like having them do stuff for you or them giving their viewpoints in life.
It’s not only that you want someone else around but that you don’t feel complete unless you’re part of someone else and they’re part of you.
That other person can complete a role for me that I don’t have to do now and I can do stuff for them they don’t have to do now. It makes me think, “Can we even do our stuff on our own?”
When people feel they can’t manage on their own, it can be very difficult to engage in activities that lead to independent functioning.
I see the book is saying when people think they can’t be independent it’s hard to do things on their own.
In Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now, there’s a section called Fear of Intimacy: Too Close For Comfort that’s talks about using procrastination to avoid intimate situations like being closer to colleagues at work or something like starting a relationship.
What the author says seems to overlap with my situation a bit, like not me wanting to talk too seriously with work colleagues or even family members. Like I notice I sometimes avoid going too much into detail about my life(e.g. my struggles) and I sometimes avoid just starting a conversation.
In ch. 6 of Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now, the author talks about how time is related to procrastination. They say that time plays a role in procrastination and people have their own personal relationship to time.
Information I gathered: Time can be viewed as being subjective and objective. E.g. Subjective time can be feeling the minutes go by fast when doing something enjoyable. Objective time is the clock telling the time.
Time is viewed differently when procrastinating. For example, it may not seem so bad to not show up on time to watch a movie because the best part hasn’t happened yet or it has a slow start.
Other cultures view being on time differently e.g. there is a saying/concept in Hawaii called “Hawaiian time” where it’s more acceptable than in the U.S. to be a little late for colleagues, friends, and family.
I finished chapter six and it talked about being more realistic with how much time we have like during the day or in our lifetime. The author I think was saying that people that procrastinate think they have more time and possibilities than they really do. For example, someone that pushes off doing a career is them never getting to know if that’s what they want to do. That career will always be in the what if or I could do this category.
Self-Help Book:
Chapter seven talks about neuroscience and how it could be related to procrastination. I don’t know though what to think when procrastination is explained in terms of the how the brain works. Like how habits are explained as brain cells creating new links and breaking old ones and the more someone does an activity the more that link is reinforced. I think something is missing when the conclusion to that stuff is to trick yourself into doing more of the habit you want.
The quote below is from the first paragraph of a section called Big Idea # 2: Feelings Matter, Even if They Are Unconscious:
There is great value in being able to use your feelings to guide you and
to inform your decision making.
I like the quote, but sometimes I think emotions get in the way when I’m trying to do something. I don’t why I look at it like that sometimes, but I do. I can think of an example, but I feel kind of embarrassed to talk about it.
I know tho that I’m not gonna really fix anything if I don’t discuss my personal situation. I’m not used getting advice on personal stuff. I don’t want to get lost when I do share stuff with others. Like I’m not freaking out right now not sharing, but when I do I don’t know how I’ll react.
I just want to say these are my personal problems and the forum is not making me feel bad for having them or causing them or anything like that. I have a lot of baggage. I notice I’m mistyping more after writing this so I don’t know how well I’m in control of myself right now. Also, I went through something emotional and tiring the last two days so I think that’s carrying over to today.
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Self-Help Book I read today:
In chapter 7, I read a section called Big Idea # 2: Feelings Matter, Even If They Are Unconscious. The author talked about how situations can trigger fear in us and that the way we respond consciously is important. We can learn to respond to the fearful situation in a realistic way like being clear about the facts or not underestimating our ability.
I can see how that stuff can help. I went to therapy 3-4 years ago and the therapist discussed seeing things in an alternative way and how I can be mistaken about seeing something in one way. For example, me being in public and thinking everybody is paying attention, but really they might not and mostly concerned with themselves.
It’s hard though sometimes to know if what I’m reassuring myself with is the truth and if I’m just trying to feel better about the situation.
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I think I’m stuck on this topic. I’ve been trying to type something for an hour and a half, but I keep deleting it. A part of me wants to talk about an irl situation, but I keep deleting it. There’s been something that’s been troubling me about it and I think it’s going to have a big effect on me.
I read the self-help book today, but I skipped sharing about what I read. I don’t know if I’m trying to do too much at once. Like I’m making this more complicated than it needs to be.
Self-Help Book I read today:
I read some of ch. 8, and it talked about mental conditions like Depression, ADD, Anxiety, and how those could affect procrastination. I don’t know how to go about those conditions cuz sometimes I think they’re labels I could put on myself so I can be felt sorry for and feel in a way helpless without receiving meds for it. Like it’s easy to say I got depression and it’s an imbalance of the brain; how do I fix this illness? A part of me thinks I can help myself by figuring out my situation. I don’t know exactly how, but if I get smarter things could get better.
Self-Help Book I read today:
I finished chapter 8 and it talked about how stress and sleep deprivation could affect procrastination. I don’t remember much about what it said, but it was talking about the cycle of stress and sleep deprivation when barely getting assignments done in time. I can relate to those two, because when I was in college I saw myself frequently getting homework and projects done at the last minute. I didn’t like how I didn’t care enough getting that stuff done in a timely fashion.
In chapter 9 of Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now, it talks about how culture, role models, and long held family beliefs can affect procrastination.
It’s hard to think what culture is influencing me right now, but I think having english as a second language may affect how I do tasks. Like I learned some basic english in Kindergarten-2nd grade, and I was able to talk to my peers, but I remember I couldn’t read above 3rd-4th grade reading level until the end of high school.
For role models there were traits I liked in some teachers like students liking them and the teachers caring about their students even when they’re having a hard time. For parents it’s hard to say cuz I liked how they were able to do complicated stuff that were for adults. It was scary to think what I could and couldn’t do in the future as an adult. Like college submissions and essays looked really hard.
I think a family belief could be if I’m not going to school or working at a job I’m not helping the family.
Sounds hard. I wasn’t sure what advice to give and didn’t want to give the wrong advice so I didn’t reply. But good luck.
Thank you. I think I see what you mean like me not giving the most information doesn’t look like it helps.