In chapter 9 there’s a section called Whose Version of You Are You? where the author talks about messages received from close ones that have stuck and could affect procrastination.
The messages were split into three categories. The first was pressures to succeed(e.g. “you’re the smartest kid in class” or “you’re the good child in the family”), second was doubts about success(e.g. when parents say the kid won’t amount to anything when they mess up), and the third was basic support(e.g. when family members say they have your back).
The author then says these messages may become inner voices and to inquire about them. Like maybe some of those messages contribute to procrastination and some may be unhelpful. The author says to answer to these inner voices in a positive or hopeful way. For example, if an inner voice says “you’re not ready to do this.” A response can be, “It’s ok, it’s still worth a try.”
I see what the author is saying like don’t just let these inner voices or beliefs control and dictate our whole lives. Like it can be worth seeing if they’re based on truth or not. It seems like a skill though and not a thing that can be mastered on a whim.
I read a section in chapter 9 called The Pressuring Theme, where the author talks about family themes that can affect a person and their procrastination. One theme could be the family having high standards for the children to succeed. An example could be parents only wanting straight A’s from their kids.
The section also talked about perfectionism, and I thought it was interesting cuz I wonder if I engage in it sometimes. It’s kind of hard to know if just doing an activity is enough or if I have to practice it a lot. I guess it depends on my situation.
In chapter 9, there’s a section called The Distancing Theme, and the author talks about how parents distance themselves from their children so they can solve their own problems and figure out stuff on their own.
Out of all the five family themes I relate to this one the most. I think my parents gave me space to figure my problems out on my own. Like they wouldn’t occasionally ask, “hey, what’s bothering you?”.
It sounds nice to not be smothered, but I think it would’ve been nice to get some advice or perspective on things from them.
One time, I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t want to stay in high school, and it was only when the problem was too big that they intervened and helped me go to an independent studies school.
Chapter 10 is called Looking Ahead to Success, and I think it talks about thinking about the consequences of overcoming procrastination. Like the author asks the reader what would happen if they didn’t procrastinate; what new challenges would they face?
Overcoming procrastination doesn’t sound so easy cuz there’s gonna be always something new(e.g. more responsibilities or having less free time) to deal with and it could lead to procrastination again.
There’s a section called Procrastination As Identity that lists routine ways that people procrastinate. One way that was listed was relatable to me, and it was called The Blank Slate where the person procrastinating takes on lots of tasks and responsibilities to seem busy. In reality though they don’t have a clear direction in life. Like if they were to have a lot of free time it won’t be as productive as they thought it was going to be.
I think it’s relatable cuz I try to do a lot of things for others(e.g. favors) and it distracts me from dealing with myself. When I’m alone I don’t even know what do with my time that’ll help me in the long run.
I finished chapter 10 the end of Part One of the book, and there were a few sections that were interesting. One section called The Reality of Your Values talked about accepting your own values, and achieving goals cuz you want it and not for somebody else.
It’s hard sometimes for me to think about doing things for me and not over-empathize about other people(e.g. not wanting to hurt their feelings). I think when I over-empathize for others I don’t take into account what I want and the reason why I do things becomes confusing.
I think an example might be when I get in my way of being honest with people(e.g. friends) cuz I don’t want to let them down about what I think. I think at that point tho not telling them the truth is worse than hurting their feelings.
I read the beginning of Part 2 where the author says they’re going to go over techniques for overcoming procrastination. They say to go over these techniques when the you’re ready to change. The author also discusses how to utilize the techniques like journaling what does and doesn’t work and being on the lookout if you’re resisting the techniques.
I see I’m at the part of the book where it helps the reader solve their procrastination. I’m thinking though it would be nice to follow these techniques only if I know the thing I’m procrastinating about is what I really want to do.
I don’t know if I want to go back to school or back to work or what exactly I want to do in life. I think I want to read the rest of the book to see if there are any techniques about introspection or something to learn more about myself.
A lot of discussion about procrastination is about small tasks like putting off doing some chores or homework for a few hours or days. Making big, hard decisions with lasting consequences is different than getting little tasks done.
I read half of chapter 11, and the author asked the reader to write what they’re procrastinating about. Like, what feelings are associated with it, what leads up to the incident of procrastinating, what are some patterns or themes they notice, and if it hurt or inconvenienced somebody.
I answered the questions for procrastinating on my bedtime. I liked the questions cuz they organized my thoughts about my bedtime like how do I put in words what I’m procrastinating about? and what are some thoughts and feelings surrounding the situation?
When I was answering the questions, I would catch my self being judgmental or harsh about how I phrase me putting off sleep. I noticed it was automatic and I focused on using more neutral wording.
The rest of chapter 11 talked about people using excuses to not do the thing that’s being procrastinated on. I think some excuses were, “It’s too nice a day outside to be doing this,” or, “I wouldn’t have enough time anyways to finish this if I started now.”
I think I could see how excuses are used as reasons for not wanting or being able to do a task. I think it’s hard to tell sometimes if what I say is the actual reason for not doing a task or if I’m trying to think of a way to avoid it.
It’s hard for me to speak about this topic like it’s hard to know if an excuse or a reason for not doing a task are actually those things.
I started reading chapter 12, and the author talked about setting clear step by step goals. The author would say when people procrastinate their goals may be vague or too big.
An example of a vague goal can be: “I want to work a bit on the project tonight.” It can be vague cuz the person doesn’t have the steps planned out and doesn’t have a good idea of what it looks like to be working on it “a bit”.
It’s relatable to me cuz sometimes I use that wording to describe working on some hobbies like, “I don’t care what I do I just want to practice coding or practice reading.” And when I get down to it there’s all these steps to go through to even get started on practicing a skill.
Something smaller and more concrete could help I think like, "I’ll read this article for 10 mins and see how far I get. "
I read the middle of chapter 12, and the author talked about breaking down goals into small parts, like instead of just saying, “I’ll clean my house on the weekend” they broke it up into chunks of time(e.g. 2 hours on Saturday and 2 hours on Sunday). They also broke it up into smaller steps, like throw away “nonessentials” or file important papers.
I think I would like to try that but for cleaning my room. I see cleaning my room can mean a lot of things like vacuuming, picking up trash, or organizing belongings.
I think I’m not as conflicted about cleaning if I do one actual small thing to work on a step. An example could be put one item where it belongs. Some examples to that could be putting back a hygiene item in its drawer or fold one piece of clothing and put it away.
I read a section in chapter 12 called Be Flexible about Your Goal. In the section, the author talked about being flexible about your goal like making some changes to it so it’s more realistic.
One example the author brings up is a theatre director having a one-week goal, but his/her college roommate comes to visit for that week. At that point, maybe one week isn’t going to be enough for the goal.
I think this is relatable cuz there are new hobbies or projects I take on that seem cool to do the first day(e.g. playing a new difficult game or taking on a reading habit). However, the next few days it’s forgotten and I’m not really reminding myself to do it.
I think if that happens maybe the goal needs to be revised or some changes need to be made. The goal remaining fixed doesn’t seem like it’s gonna turn out well.
Hello, I think I’m feeling stuck in an area in my life, and Im not feeling generally well. I think I’ve been socially isolating myself lately and it’s very difficult to feel calm alone. Is this a topic to better talk about with family and friends?
I haven’t been able to sleep btw. I’m sorry for being sleep deprived; I don’t want to disrespect y’all. I think if I try to engage in a conversation here rn like I do in the afternoon(pacific time) it won’t be as effective.
It’s not disrespectful. Only wanting to post on the forum when at your best is an ongoing problem with multiple people that I’ve tried to discourage. Learning philosophy or other ideas properly, so that you can use them in your daily life, requires learning to use them while tired, distracted, having a bad day, etc.
People get angry and act like a jerk and think that “I was having a bad day” is a good excuse because they aren’t usually like that. If famous, they may give a public apology saying that’s “not who I am” (I think because on most days of their life they didn’t do anything like that).
Who you are near your worst is actually really important and says a lot about you. For many purposes, judging people by the minimum quality standard they maintain at all times is a better approach than looking at their peaks.
Very exceptional circumstances can be discounted like if you said or did something bad while you were having a stroke or after someone drugged your drink without your knowledge. But if your dog died, or your colleague said something nasty to you, or you slept poorly, or you voluntarily got drunk or high, those are not good excuses; that’s just part of life.
It’s OK to have some particularly bad days, but you still shouldn’t yell at your family, customer service workers, or people on Twitter. Instead, you should recognize you’re having a bad day and deal with it appropriately: take your time more, be slower to speak, don’t make any big decisions with lasting consequences, avoid risk, maybe take a nap, etc. And this should be infrequent. Like if less than once a month you spend a day or less being careful and not doing much, and you’re successful at managing it, that’s OK. If once a month you’re a jerk to people, then you’re a jerk. And if once a week or more often you have a really bad day, that isn’t a special outlier; it’s part of your regular life.
I’m so familiar with that. I would try to think of external forces causing me a bad day or mood, but deep down that’s not the whole story.
I think I see what you mean. Sometimes I wonder when people will catch on to me and really see me for who I am. Im probably not giving myself enough credit tho. I really dont know it’s so confusing.
I’m thinking when you say “that’s a part of life” you mean it literally. I think the general saying “that’s a part of life” has a different meaning to me.
Ok, that’s interesting cuz sometimes I wonder if a problem is a problem and I should be concerned to address it. It all becomes too much to manage and I give up on even thinking about internal conflicts.
In chapter 12, there’s a section called Looking Back with a subsection called Assess Your Progress (or Lack Thereof). In that subsection, the author talked about looking back at exactly what you did to accomplish(or not) your goal. I think they said seeing how you think about the matter is more important than accomplishing the goal itself.
It was so true what they said cuz when I finish or even quit a tough video game it’s hard to objectively look back and see what happened and what each event meant. Like it’s easier to think the problem is too big to figure out or I cut it close that time.
I think I could see a problem with doing things when feeling like it, like if it’s a serious goal not having timestamps or a schedule for it can make it hard to make yourself accountable.
I know a prerequisite for CF is self-help and I know I want to help myself with my anxiety. Maybe I’ll post some things I read that is relatable idk. Idk exactly how to post about self-help stuff. I know I’ve done it before, but I don’t know something I think the stuff I post is too personal and not objective enough or not connecting CF ideas to it.