This is a companion discussion topic for the original entry at https://curi.us/2595-small-talk-low-talk-and-social-status
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I watched the video. The example she gave about being 5 minutes early for a Teams meeting and someone popping in, telling everyone in the room to one by one talk about their weekend, resonated with me. It’s so cringe. Normally the person doing those low talk gimmicks are in a higher position in the company. So you feel extra pressure to play along.
I have a unique perspective on social stuff because I grew up extroverted. Had a lot of friends, played sports, etc. then started to appreciate introversion later in life. Her video gives some good generalizations but a lot of social stuff is context specific. If you have a small team of yapper sales people on the call who know each other, going around the room and talking about their weekend won’t be a big deal. They may see it as an opportunity to be playful.
If you’re playing certain team sports, even the more shy guys on the team get some energy from huddles where you jump around and pump yourselves up. And that can be seen as socially obligatory in those cases. There’s knowledge in some of these traditions.
For work environments, I think a lot of ideas about teams, and tribes are present. Managers think if it’s too quiet or low energy, it’s a problem. Maybe people are unhappy? Maybe they need good leadership and you’re not providing it. Maybe the quiet employee is just shy and feels left out? But, alimcforever shows some people just want to be left alone and do their job, and it will prob benefit the company more to leave them be.
Oh and sometimes small talk gets weird too. Like if you have an especially chatty co-worker you might feel obligated to listen when they talk about their dog for ten minutes. When you really want them to leave you alone. So, in that context, avoiding that person in the mornings may be the best move.
How do you know the shy guys gain energy from huddles? Maybe some of them are masking.
Just guessing based off body language, more oomph in their voice, more aggression on the court afterwards. They could be really good at masking though. Or team sports might filter out super introverts (assuming there’s a spectrum).
A lot of companies aren’t optimized for introverts. Besides the low talk, alimcforever probably doesn’t like team meetings in general (I think most people hate meetings but that’s a separate topic). DHH, the Ruby on Rails creator, talks about how much meetings suck. He structured his companies in a way that’s better for introverts, partly because I don’t think he likes the social BS either.
Speaking of social being context specific, I don’t know much about small talk in the UK. I’ve heard there’s a lot of class based status stuff that still lingers. I don’t think that is quite the same as what we deal with in the US.
I think if people try out certain things similar to huddles with an open mind though, almost everyone is going to get an energetic effect from it. Like if a super introvert were to be asked to join in on a Haka, and came at it with the mindset of curiosity like “sure, I’ll try it” I’d bet they’d feel more energy afterwards. It might be the mix of the physicality of it and the harmony of it. It’s like taking certain drugs are going to have a similar affect on most people, regardless of how social they are?