TikTok of Mean Parenting

Video https://www.tiktok.com/@ohheyitskelseyrae/video/6955292169838071046

And the parent wrote this description:

Offering 2 positive choices to kiddos can be SO effective! #behaviormanagement #fyp #parenttips #consciousparenting #teachertips

They recorded this on purpose and shared it. They think they’re doing a good job and that they’re offering useful tips to parents and teachers. They got 620,000 likes so far. Got criticism?

Other notes: In another video she says she’s starting a parenting consulting business. The 620k likes are out of 4m views (15% is good). Comments are disabled.

Part 2: https://www.tiktok.com/@ohheyitskelseyrae/video/6955561185278283014 (TikToks are often split into multiple parts due to the short length limit. It’s kinda like Tweets.)

  1. Why it’s necessary to get dressed at that point isn’t explained, considered, discussed, open to debate. I know it’s a TikTok video so we can’t expect too much context given the format, but still, it’s just taken as a given that it’s necessary to get dressed now.
  2. The parent pretends to care that the kid is really enjoying the show. But if they cared,I think they’d work harder at trying to accommodate the kid than giving them a max of 2 extra minutes.
  3. The 2 positive choice thing is blatant and intentional psychological manipulation. The parent is trying to get their kid to comply by using psychological games on the kid on purpose.
  4. Parent says she planned on things taking 5 minutes when kid agrees to 2. So parent literally admits they had some additional flexibility on time, according to their own standards, which they didn’t present kid with. Like I think they’re proud they got a “better deal” with kid than they were expecting - as if parent was haggling with a car salesman and not raising a child.
  5. Parent has a note that says “Being upset is normal! Keep a teaching mindset and stay calm!!” This is a rationalization for the failures of the parent’s own strategy, which involves psychologically manipulating their child, giving them pretend choices, not being open to discussion, not caring that their child is absorbed in some activity (but pretending to care) and so on.
  6. The parent makes fun of their child with the “No, I was argdjfjfjf” or whatever stuff they display on screen when kid gets upset. They’re basically laughing at their child and being mean to them.
  7. Parent pretends to care with “oh that 2min did not seem like enough did it”. There’s a thing on screen here which says “Empathize & validate feelings.” This is just after a rationalization about how getting upset is normal and after basically making fun of the kid for being upset. I don’t think she actually empathizes. This is more psychological manipulation.
  8. Parent says that they’re sorry this is happening, which evades responsibility for creating this situation in the first place and treats the parent’s unhelpful and manipulative approach to their child as a fact of nature.
  9. Parent pretends they want to help but does not offer meaningful suggestions or alternatives - just another one minute extension, which does not serve to actually solve the problem the child is having. The parent’s supposed “help” is another psychological manipulation game which is designed to make the child feel extra unreasonable for continuing to hold out (even though the parent already admitted they thought stuff would take 5 minutes).
  10. “Restate their words, then reword the expectation kindly” stuff is more gross manipulation stuff. Oh part of the problem there is it’s presenting statements of stuff that the parent already knows - that the kid was hoping for more time - as some sort of empathy and understanding. It’s mechanical though - the parent isn’t using creativity to try and come up with solutions or helping or anything. They’re just being kind of a parrot and that’s supposed to show that they care somehow?
  11. The parent restates their own position about the amount of time available with no arguments or explanation.
  12. The parent makes a reference to “TV time”, which may indicate that they intentionally artificially restrict TV access in particular and that may be a source of the conflict (is reminiscent of “screen time”).
  13. lol they literally offer 1 extra minute or 0 extra minutes. What a “choice”!
  14. oh and then they offer, basically, “do you want to comply yourself or do you want me to ‘help’ you comply?”
  15. The parent writes “Giving some power and control allows for MUCH easier transitions! This entire interaction took 4 minutes.” But the kid didn’t have any real power or control in a meaningful way. They had fake choices and were the victim of manipulation games.
  16. The final screen says

    But the kid was just watching a program when the parent came to interrupt with them, so they weren’t being aggressive. Also, the parent didn’t demonstrate compassion, but intentional psychological manipulation and unhelpfulness.
1 Like

The parent sez “I’m sorry that this is happening” but it’s happening because she chose to make it happen. She’s pretending that she’s not responsible for what’s happening. Also, if it’s a really good idea for him to get dressed, then she could bring the clothes to him and he could dressed while watching TV. What’s really going on is that she wants to stop him from watching TV, the clothes are just an excuse.

Both videos @Elliot linked now appear to be unavailable. I wanted to watch Part 2. :frowning_face:

EDIT: I think maybe just the URLs changed

Looks like she deleted the sounds from both videos which is what’s screwing it up. You can go to her user page (just by deleting stuff from the end if a video URL):


And find the videos there but with no sound. Look for the ones that say “Choices in action” in the thumbnail.

1 Like

this video seemed kinda fucked up:


it shows babies crying, and then just throwing cheese at their face to make them stop crying.

i am not sure what i thought was so fucked up about it. im gonna try writing some things:

  • i think the baby is crying for a reason. i dont think crying is just something babies to randomly.

  • the parent ignores the problem the babies want help with, and then mocks them for wanting help by throwing cheese at their face.

wtf ppl r so mean to kids/babies

responding to a crying child by tossing an object at them so you can post a humiliating video of them online seems abusive

i think i should have said something like: “im not sure why i think throwing something at a baby because they are crying, and then filming it and uploading it for millions of people to laugh at is fucked up”. huh, when you write out what happened, it becomes easier to see whats fucked up about it.

i think if you threw stuff at your cat or dog in a similar way, ppl would flame you

imagine doing it to your girlfriend when you think she’s whining. ppl would srsly disapprove!