From the article:
Girls have such strong opinions on it ā itās cute when they get all riled up.
Hmm. This sounds like he doesnāt take women seriously. If they get all riled up its just something cute. Why would it be cute? I think itās because he doesnāt see the thing theyāre getting angry about as serious. I think thereās a similar sentiment towards kids/younger people. Not necessarily anger, but when thereās drama in teen (or even younger) relationships, itās just seen as dumb kid stuff too many. Nothing serious.
I ripped myself open for Myles, detailing my rape and the aftermathā¦ but he kept interrupting me to say āallegedlyā and, āUm actually, innocent until proven guilty.āā
I think thereās some confusion here? Courts arenāt some ultimate arbiter of truth. They also get things wrong (though I am assuming thatās why heās using words like āallegedlyā and āinnocent until proven guilty").
Hmm. Also, something Iāve noticed when it comes to rape is that theres a lot of stuff about being careful about calling someone a rapist. Which is fair I think. I do think its odd though that generally people arenāt as lenient with this stuff for other things. People are quick to assume on a lot of things. It also doesnāt feel genuine when theyāre trying to be careful. Idk why but that guy sounds more like he doesnāt believe her, rather than āOh we need to be careful about who we call rapists.ā
Also, while there are troubles identifying rapists (and other criminals generally). If a girl got raped, she knows she got raped (though I think thereās some argument about this in certain cases? im just assuming a blatant really bad case). If so, I donāt think it makes sense to delegitimize the experience (I guess where I see it as delegitimizing is because I read āallegedlyā as āyou allegedly got rapedā, he couldāve said that about numerous other things).
āI thought maybe an emotional plea would help him see us sexual assault victims as humans,ā Frye added. āInstead he kept comparing my failed attempts to report my rape to police to his pain of not being āallowedā to watch Louis C.K.ās new special.ā
She failed to report the rape attempt. He was not allowed to watch a comedy special. What even is the comparison here? Iām confused.
āIād go out again,ā said Frye. āHe was at least paying attention to what I was saying; maybe opened his mind a little.
Iāve heard this sentiment about listening from a few coworkers. I think a lot of them complain about their partners being poor listeners. I also remember hearing a different story, I think from LastWeekTonight(?), where John Oliver talked about scams. He made a joke that women get easily scammed by a dude who just pretended to listen to the women. That was the low bar that needed to be cleared.
āNah, Iām not interested,ā Soto countered privately. āI mean, we had a fun little debate about her basic human rights, but she started openly weeping. Too emotional. Plus she said sheād be down to split the chips and queso, but was in the bathroom when we settled the tab. Lame.ā
Uhh. Idk what to even make of the stuff here. He was debating her basic human rights? Going off of how heās been portrayed, I doubt he was arguing for them.
The bathroom comment doesnāt seem meaningful. Uhh was the bill payed at the table. Wait for her. Idk.
At press time, Soto was talking to a Jewish woman on Tinder and mentally preparing reasons why the Holocaust actually prevented an even worse global tradegy.
Yikes.
One thing comes to mind though: I donāt know how much of this is just messing with women versus just being a contrarian/rage-baiter/whatever.
I know one person in my life who just likes to argue with people for the sake of arguing. Heāll openly admit he doesnāt know what heās talking about, but heāll argue on any topic. The other day he argued with somebody about Mamdani vs Cuomo. He talked about how great Cuomo is and later admitted that he: knew nothing about politics, knew nothing about these two candidates, and just thought itād be funny to piss the other person off.
Are you aware the article is satire?
Oh huh. Woops. Now I see.
It did seem odd. But it seemed realistic enough to me. Like the story wasnāt unrealistic to me.
Also I just assumed it was real/serious because you shared it.
Itās about a real thing. Itās exaggerating some and making some things unrealistically explicit. Satire is often a way of doing serious commentary on the world and its problems.
r/TwoXChromosomes: I feel like men treat me worse since I had a glow up/became more attractive
r/Feminism: Reddit is so horrifying bc you can go to a sub for people with health problems and see tons of people desperate for help, strategizing on how to be taken seriously, and then you go to a doctor sub and itās full of professionals talking about hysterical women and blue hair. More stories in comments.
Yeahā¦ Ive had a doctor write in my file in the ER that I was āhystericalā and a āhypochondriacā when I had a fecal impaction that was turning into a bowel obstruction.
Is this happening mostly to women? Usually, when i think thereās an issue with how the doctor is treating me, I talk to them again in a different way and they believe me. Like, I become more assertive or something
The doctors not believing the females seems to happen a lot. I wonder how often and why that happens. Like are they just not taken seriously? I think thereās a power dynamic where the male thinks theyāre correct and is taking care of the thinking for the female. The problem with that is the male doesnt know the female patientās body like they do and can miss important information for diagnosing or adressing the problem.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1o7yt68/i_cant_believe_a_reddit_post_just_made_me_realize/ more in comments as usual
From the orginal reddit post:
Heād make me feel bad for not wanting to have sex as often as he did, and heād cry and ask if I didnāt think he was attractive anymore.
Is the ex manipulating her? I think the answer is yes but how idk. I think he was manipulating her by making her feel bad so she wants to have sex. If the manipulating was successful does it count as rape?
Im wondering if thinking about this quote is on topic with the opās title. Iām thinking because she didnāt go into how it worked and how she was coerced, then itās not on topic. I think the point of the quote was to show how bad the ex was. Idk really.
More from the opās post:
I canāt remember if I ever explicitly gave him consent to do sex stuff while I was asleep, but I think I kind of agreed to it to keep the peace?
What does ākeep the peace meanā? Like stay silent? Or give into oneās demands to keep it peaceful? I think it means to give in to their demands so it doesnāt cause trouble with the other person.
The opās post and the other comments all make me think thereās a significant percentage of men that rape. Like, if thereās problems in the bedroom about inadequate sex, what does that often lead to?
Yes his crying, whining and insecurity were manipulative.
He didnāt have enthusiastic consent. Using the enthusiastic consent standard would be better than what he did. But I donāt think guys should be criminally charged as rapists just for whining until a woman agrees to sex.
A lot of men whine, cry and manipulate. But I think a lot fewer have sex with sleeping women, which is a separate and more rapey behavior (whether it should or does meet criminal rape standards is open to debate and may depend on the details).
In general, sex in abusive relationships is more complex than ātheyāre all rapists and should all be in jailā or āshe gave some sort of consent or went along with it in some sort of voluntary manner so itās obviously not rapeā. One way these relationships vary is how afraid she is of violence if she says ānoā or leaves, and also how afraid she should be given the information she has. Some women are overly afraid but I think more women are inadequately afraid, as you can see by them breaking up in person, often in a private setting like their home, instead of taking their things and leaving while heās at work.
Comment that came to mind before reading the post:
Idk what kind of worse treatment sheās talking about, but Iāve been guilty of this kind of thing in the past.
My second manager (and the one I worked with the longest so far) was a conventionally attractive blonde girl in her mid 20s. I remember being extra harsh on her about her managerial skills/work (things like scheduling, store layouts, prioritization) because, in my head, I thought of it as pretty girl got the job without trying. A few higher-ups thought she was cute and now here she is.
I do think thought I had a mix of things in my head at the time:
- In general I was harsh in my opinions of managers because I thought managers would be these smart, put-together, efficient people because of Atlas Shrugged and stuff.
- Related to the above point, even though I didnāt apply (and couldnāt apply for a while) to be a manager I think I subconsciously thought to myself of how I could do this matter
On a different note, not related to being mean (but I guess is a different type of worse treatment):
Without turning this into a therapy session, I struggled (and still kinda do) to find myself attractive growing up. Most of my communications with women come from work. Whole long story short: Iāve since addressed this (in a sense), but I am able to comfortably talk to my female coworkers at work since theyāre (usually) just in simple work uniform and stuff and not wearing make-up or anything. However, if they had the rare occasion where they chose to look nicer for work (happened more often in the past when our uniform policies were lax) or would come in on a day off and looked nicer than usual, I struggled to talk to them. I wasnāt mean per se, but less talkative and interactive. The subconscious thing going on in my head was (and still kinda is) pretty girls donāt want to talk to me, if a girl looks pretty I talk less. Iāve kinda addressed this at work because I realize its the same person regardless of how they look at any given point in time.
The dual class action suits allege that the functionsāwhich followed thousands of sexual harassment and assault lawsuits against Uber and Lyft over the yearsā have limited the economic opportunities for men and discriminated against them because of their gender.
@anonymous45 want to try analyzing this one?
r/TwoXChromosomes: Trying not to hate myself after my perfect boyfriend just broke up with me
Sure. I am not sure I got much out of it besides that people are often kinda directionless in relationships and arenāt very mindful.
8 year long relationship, so since they were 22/21. Pretty long.
However one night, he decided to end it with me saying weāre just prolonging whatās going to happen. He cited that my inability to regulate my emotions, and the fact that Iāve started to let myself go made it so he was no longer attracted to me and thus so no path to marriage.
People can lose weight, and if there was a path to marriage why didnāt he propose some time in the first 8 years? (Maybe the lack of emotional regulation)
It sounds to me like he was not being entirely honest. Maybe he put up with emotional volatility for access to sex, then when she became less attractive he lost interest.
The use of āprolongingā fits with this IMO, in that heād already made up his mind that he didnāt see much of a future.
We had been having some issues in our relationship, but were committed to fixing them and had been doing better the past month.
OP doesnāt say exactly what theyād been doing, but it seems like she was mistaken that things were improving. She doesnāt mention a relationship counsellor which makes me think they were just trying things ad-hoc.
He has told me in the past that my emotions affect him too, but sometimes it felt like he only ever wanted to offer me solutions, rather than listening to what would make me happier in that given moment.
I was hormonal and on my period - he basically told me that morning how much he admires me, how intelligent he thinks I am, and how heās always here for me. So yeah cut like a knife when 8 hours later he ended it.
A few things stand out to me:
- It sounds like he did sometimes consider what would make her happier. Her earlier statement doesnāt contradict that, but does imply that she wasnāt interested in solutions some of the time.
- āhappier in that given momentā. Some common advice given to men is that women arenāt looking for solutions when they want to be listened to. This seems to bear that out. (Note: this is true of everyone to some degree, sometimes we just need to vent, but commonly itās held that women are much more emotional, which OP sounds consistent with.)
- Sheās upset that he (apparently) lied, but if she wanted honesty she wasnāt acting like it. This relates to some comments about her ignoring her partnerās communication when he did offer it (that her emotions affect him too).
The comments seem a bit split. Some are saying that she has some unhealthy patterns, others are more supportive. Personally, this sounds like two people who were kind of just floating and not really considering things long term and that there were some deeper issues (which maybe she wasnāt aware of, or isnāt admitting). Communication was an issue.
A lot of the responsibility seems to be being put on her. Maybe thatās because sheās the OP and thereās not a lot of detail, but I wonder if thereās some level of sexism here too. That said, it feels like she wanted sympathy and wasnāt really interested in solving any issues. If the genders were reversed I think thereād be a lot more negativity towards OP in the comments.