The history books have been unfair to many women: TikTok - Make Your Day
Them being committed to fixing the issues means that he thought stuff was fixable
The couple being committed means that he stated that he would not give up. Being committed to something means youâre not going to give up.
You say that he said things were improving in his opinion cuz op says they had been doing better the past month. The op wasnât just speaking for herself
@anonymous45 Want to analyze this? The Myth of "Toxic Masculinity" and the Real War on Boys
r/TwoXChromosomes: Married Men Liking My Photos Makes Me Not Want To Ever Be Married
From the comments:
Yeah my most extreme example of this was guys who were ex love interests contacting me after I posted my wedding photos. One was out for a walk with his newborn when he called. Do they have any sense of decency? Any self awareness at all?
Back in my OnlyFans days, it was shocking how most of my subscribers where âhappilyâ married men. It really shaped my view of men going foward.
My friend was a dancer and cam girl and she said she would literally never commit/settle with a man because even the most godly looking regular âfamily manâ was the most heinous offender. She was giving a dance to a regular at the club once, he was piss drunk and admitted his wife was at home counting down contractions until she got to the 5 minute mark for the hospital. She thought he was at work squeezing in some last hours before his leave for the newborn.
re: male pill
If we had a male pill today, I think men would use it as an excuse for unprotected sex (and might even lie about it). Iâm not sure it would make anything better outside of long term relationships.
For short term stuff, women kind of need to be in control of contraception anyway. If they donât have some active long-term form of contraception, they need to be able to verify that contraception is being used (condoms are easy to verify).
I thought some parts of the article/podcast were kinda biased against men, or revealed some attitudes that didnât sit well with me. Iâm going to explain, but maybe Iâm missing the forest for the trees.
For men, the calculus is different. Men donât get pregnant, and therefore donât suffer the health complications of pregnancy. So according to the cost-benefit analysis, male contraceptives arenât really allowed to have side effects. Even a tiny increased risk of, say, blood clots or strokes will doom a male contraceptiveâas did the harsh, potentially fatal interaction with booze.
Now, that double standard might or might not sound reasonable to you, but thatâs the reality. Male contraceptives cannot have side effects. And thatâs why WIN-18446 was doomed as soon as that prisoner took his first sip of whiskey.
This over simplifies the situation and reduces it to a âdouble standardâ. If it is a double standard, itâs different to most double standards which are purely social (like Mozartâs sister not being allowed to tour).
But biological asymmetries (and downstream consequences) are double standards in a different way â we canât just choose to ignore them or change our behavior or something.
Note: I wrote this post a few days ago but had to do other stuff before posting. I havenât re-reviewed the article. Thereâs more I could say but I wanted to post this rather than getting stuck trying to say everything in one post.
re: tiktok video w/ âThe audacity. 
â
[label: trying to reply quickly / intuitively]
This seems really bad for multiple reasons.
One reason: It makes me think of some of the redpill stuff about natural hierarchies including some hoe_math stuff about god > man > woman > children in relationships/family/life (I know that idea is not original to hoe_math but he has referred to it a number of times and doesnât otherwise involve anything much religious[1]. Particularly, it seems like the husband in the tiktok has taken this idea way too much to heart.
[1]: the other instance of hoe_math referencing christianity/religion I know of is: heâs referred to the bible as containing traditional knowledge before. I actually like that, though, since I think that is not something a lot of atheists acknowledge or agree with. (Though, traditional knowledge can be difficult to figure out and a bit dangerous, too.)
The other big reason is the lack of principled approach. Like she points out the hypocrisy of committing adultery then citing the bible for why divorce isnât an option and he just ignores it. I wonder what heâd say if a priest called him out the same way.
Also the âI own youâ thing at the end is gross. I am surprised that anyone in western society would think something like this, even if they were super religious.
I really hope this guy is like top 1% bad (meaning ~99% of ppl are better than this) but IDK. Maybe itâs better outside the US.
I asked a recently educated midwife about this and issues of this severity arenât covered in current courses (in her case at least). What they do cover is lesser forms of IPV / abuse type issues, mostly focused around control rather than like sexual violence. The midwife estimated around 2% of deliveries (births) involve a husband (or similar) who is worryingly controlling. Based on rough estimates of issues she definitely knew about divided by deliveries per year, it would be at least 0.5%. Examples: the wife will say they need to check with the husband all the time, or the husband has an extreme emotional reaction to something (including like ripping up paperwork in the hospital).
Maybe but men lie about this to make problems go away for a while. Well, if he was actually committed then yeah I agree with you, but I donât think we can take his word for it. Arguably, he wasnât committed (like Elliot pointed out) because he didnât last very long after that.
I think this type of lying in relationships is actually pretty common. IDK if itâs just a male thing or if both genders do it.
[intuitive reaction to post, not the comments]
Seems like thereâs a huge double standard here.
OP acknowledges she dresses like a âfloozyâ (in the more SFW ones, too), posts it publicly online, implies that itâs extra okay when itâs an ad, uses the common excuse of âIâm comfortable in my own skinâ even tho itâs acknowledged in a defensive way (so sheâs not really 100% okay with it anyway, she has some subconscious aversion to her own behavior). Then gets upset when men in a relationship like her content (or âget [the] ickâ at least).
So I think that on its own is problematic, but then:
It bugs me that men who have their wives heavily featured in their own online content seem to come out of the woodwork to engage with posts that could be perceived as a little more risquĂ©- or an innocent swimsuit photo at the pool in the summertime- but donât really engage with my more innocuous content. Maybe that Vogue article was right⊠Iâd be grossed out if that were my husband.
So itâs okay for women to be grossed out about something like that, but itâs not okay for men to be grossed out that their gf/wife posts or did post that kind of thing? (I know OP isnât making that point specifically, but pushing acceptance of floozy-behavior is common enough in TwoX and similar communities)
Personally married men shouldnât be using instagram for that, and women shouldnât be posting it. If some women want to, whatever itâs their life, but itâs hypocritical to act like thatâs okay and at the same time argue that itâs immoral for most men to consume that content.
Iâm a bit confused. Wasnât she arguing/talking about married men?
Is it? What makes you read it like that? I just kinda read it. Though maybe saying something like âIâm comfortable in my own skinâ is a defensive statement?
I donât think it was just that. I think sheâs fine with men liking the ads. She does have an aversion of married men following her.
Did op say they were in a relationship? I think they may be fine with guys not in a relationship liking her/following her.
Also is posting the issue here? I thought the issue was around the followers. Sheâs not grossed about stuff related to posting, but stuff relates to followers.
Married men shouldnât use Instagram to look at attractive women and attractive women shouldnât post? Are you saying Instagram should just share SFW pictures or smth?
I donât think its wrong/hypocritical to argue that married men/men in relationships shouldnât consume her content.
I do think its odd you got a most men out of married men.
On a technical level most men are (or at least >50% of US adults are married). But marriage is mostly a focus because itâs easy to see (photos of oneâs wedding). In reality OP and the commenters are speaking more broadly (one commenter mentioned sheâd want to know if her BF was doing it). Once you include just being in a relationship in general, itâs definitely most men (over all age brackets).
The statement isnât necessarily defensive but reads like that to me in context:
Call me a floozy, but hey, Iâm comfortable in my own skin and at the end of the day, itâs an advertisement.
Sure, cause thatâs the point (so long as she canât tell theyâre married). Also I donât think thereâs a big difference between liking and following. Arguably itâs a similar user interaction and people often do both. So while she changes the subject slightly (from liking to following), the implication and attitudes are the same. Itâs not a substantial difference.
It doesnât matter if she was in one. Also, she presumably will be in one in the future, so even if she wasnât atm it doesnât matter much. My point was the double standard around women doing thigs that are meant to (at least in part) get the attention of men but then complaining when it gets menâs attention. The onlyfans attitude in the comments is similar (unless maybe the commenter stopped doing onlyfans because she had a change of heart about whether she should do it at all).
Posting is something Iâm critical of. Her issue was around likes (though she changed to follows when mentioning the ad).
re: men, I roughly agree with the idea that deliberately scrolling and seeking that content is a mild form of cheating, so wrt men in general in relationships, yes. (Also vice versa)
re: women, I think in general people should avoid posting suggestive or âinnocent swimsuit photo[s]â or borderline risque photos of themselves online. I think itâs an uncooperative behavior, and itâs reasonable for people not to want to be with someone who does that. The second part is really the point, though, because women often act like there is nothing problematic about posting that kind of content and disagreement is dismissed and chalked up to patriachy or men being awful or whatever.
Do you think this interpretation different?:
than this one?:
Them being committed to fixing the issues means that he stated that he thought stuff was fixable.
I was thinking they are, and that the original interpretation is saying that being committed means thinking/having an opinion/having a belief. I donât think thatâs true now after thinking about it. I was wondering if you disagree with me only or also ET?
Iâve seen many complaints by women about men saying theyâre using a condom but not, or taking it off in the middle. Itâs not always easy for the woman to verify, although the men do often get caught afterwards.
Iâm not sure if I understand your position. Regardless of terminology used, there is a problem here. A male pill with similar or better side effects compared to female contraception would be a worthwhile option for some couples, even though the side effects are worse than nothing. It sometimes makes sense for someone to take on a negative side effect to protect their partner not to protect themselves personally. Do you agree?
Do you mean all women shouldnât be posting it or women in monogamous relationships shouldnât be posting it?
Isnât the complaint that itâs getting the attention of too many of the wrong men (men who are not reasonable dating prospects for her, and who are being shitty to the person theyâre dating or married to)?
Imagine a teen girl posted a photo of herself in a dress, and she was happy to get likes from teen boys but not from 40 year old married men who she doesnât know. The photos are meant for one audience, not another audience, and the second audience being into it is creepy. Does that make sense to you?
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One thing Iâm a bit lost on with what youâre saying:
Are you making a point along the lines of mens lack of self control or something? Something along the lines of women should control what they post because men canât control themselves to interact with it? Thatâs what it seems like here.
Also why is
posting suggestive photos and other stuff uncooperative. Just a random thought: my best friend met his current wife from attractive photos on instagram (well DMâed her and stuff). I donât have instagram but afaik nothing really sexual of her on there. Isnât that a cooperative thing? Kinda? A good thing happened from her posting.
Also what about girls who just look nice. I donât know. A fitting dress. Tight jeans. Idk something thats not necessarily overtly sexual Iâd think. Are girls posting that uncooperative? Are the only things that are aprropriate for women to post, things that couldnât be sexualized? Or?
So its partially on her that married men consume her onlyfans?
Related note: some of the biggest creeps to the girls I work with are from old married men. Also, their at work. Just talking to customers, doing their job, and most of them (my coworkers) dress plain (its work and our uniform is plain).
Theyâve hit on my coworkers. Commented on their appearances. One recently called a minor coworkers of mine sexy. He was an older gentleman. My coworker would frequently talk to him at night (what I primarily work and when he comes in) and decided to share with this supposedly sweet old men some of her pics from some dance.
Bit tired and out of it. I feel like this is kind of a mess of a post, but maybe not.